Muddling through the pain
Many times, bad things happen. People tell you it’s part of life, God’s will, what have you. But it’s a tight rope to keep it all from spilling over into the joyous areas of your life, the areas that you are watching God grow and cultivating to be who you were born to be. For me, it is very easy to get down on myself. To let bad situations, and other people’s triumphs, get me down. I know that sounds horrible, but I tend to spend a lot of time thinking “I wish I could be like that.” Whether it be how a person handles themselves in the bad or good situations. How they bounce back, how they reach out.
But I am learning, I am me. No matter how other people do it or how other people do (or don’t) respond to me. How I handle death, being let down, or the failures that everyone has at some point in their life, that is just me. It is nice to see and reassuring to feel the strength that God has given me. Even if I feel or hear the pull of negativity, I no longer have the desire to run or hide in self loathing behaviors of drinking or drugs. When something happens, I don’t even think about walking into a bar. Thankfully, I have a man that loves me that I know was willed by God, so I don’t seek the comfort of people who only want to use me either. So, even though I still struggle, and I am not without feelings of jealousy or hurt, I know God is with me and I can see how far he has brought me through my feelings of low self worth and destructive behavior. Now I know that even in the bad times I am loved and not alone. I am sustained through my savior.
Paul writes about the “handicap” he is given in 2 Corinthians 12,
8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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