Disbelief and Questions

Lately I have been wondering about a lot.

My own ability for one, what is it that I am supposed to be really focusing on? I felt for so long that it was writing, but then you go through certain periods (early pregnancy, lol) where you feel like dead weight.

Then you start even wondering why it was you felt like you had a calling or a talent, and in this case I am referencing my recent questions about God. I cannot buy that He does not want us to question, nor delve deeper into the world of sometimes fiction that has become “His religion.” When did the intellect get thrown out of Christianity for the pure acceptance of what we are told? When were Bible stories translated to children’s stories with entire chunks left out? Was it intended to be this way?

So, I am giving myself a challenge. Instead of complaining about it, oh so easy isn’t it, I am going to read and study what I don’t know or don’t understand and carry the responsibility of knowing what I believe. What an enlightening concept! I no longer want to be thrown off by accusations against my faith or hear an argument and wonder what if… I know there aren’t always exact answers but it is more about guarding my heart, strengthening my faith and learning more than anything else.

Hopefully I can share some of my journey with you, intermittent with the woes of pregnancy and day to day life I am sure!

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Religion not the culprit, We are

Religion isn’t a dirty word. Or at least it shouldn’t be. The origin of religion means bound together, or rather of the same thread. Are we as Christians living this out? Or is this why there are many of us (including myself a time or two) that are walking around grumbling about how much we hate religion. I remember the phrase that became popular during the seeker friendly service drive in the 90′s. “It’s all about a relationship, not religion.” I think it may have even been a bumper sticker. And we ate it up! We loved it! Why….. because church had become, in many cases, a place of despair. A place where you could not be yourself, and where showing up on Sunday morning was enough to give the religion thing its due. Of course people wanted a relationship! For years it had been all about the gathering and not at all about knowing Jesus Christ.

I mean, I know that my life has improved since I’ve come to know Him more. That is not to say that all my days are filled with joy and butterflies, but I have been blessed with his goodness and received freedom from many things. So for a few years it was a sigh. A sigh of relief, Jesus loves me, I can know him, he really really loves me.

But then we lost that relationship with each other and we lost what religion really means. We bicker over church funds, scriptural meaning, and who is hearing from God. Seriously? If I really feel that I hear from God and you say the same, but they are conflicting ideals or even exegesis, do I still have any right to judge? And if I choose to judge to whom am I doing harm? Do I care if it is someone of the same thread as me, someone I am “bound” to…. maybe, maybe not. Would Jesus care? Would Jesus weep? Would HE see our lives having a focus of being a vessel for him…

Look at Jesus’s own words in Matthew: “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”

If we believe this, if we believe the words of Jesus, and regard him as such, then where are we going? Are we to remain bound together in criticism, or in love? The critical or cynical part is so easy to say that those beliefs, those interpretations, those LABELS divide us, but if we keep deciphering together the way of Jesus, His miraculous truth, and the life he gives to us, I wonder if those divisions would matter as much, or would the words of Jesus resonate, causing up to roll up our sleeves and do whatever we can to remain a religion that is bound by our faith and love, not by our Americanism or splintered ideology.

Granted, without leading perfect lives, we will never appear or even act perfectly bound together. Even in the early church Paul is met with “affliction and anguish” in himself from the decisions of church. Let us not approach others with a fear that tears them down but a spirit and love that lifts them up.

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