Some thoughts on love.

Posted August 30, 2008 By Andrea and has 1 comment.

Being a recent child of divorce, and thinking about the human capacity for love and what Jesus says love is, has sent me on a trail of opinionated, highly idealistic thought.

I have heard this many times and really hope that in marriages, relationships, and friendships it can remain true to some extent. I know with pain and sin comes distance, and with that distance sometimes in our humanity we feel the kind of love we want is not possible. But, for a moment, imagine that we are completely able to cast all of our cares on Jesus and rely on him to fill our needs.

Some “perfect” love thoughts I have had:

You are supposed to love someone not for what they can do for you, but for what you can do for them. As Christ loved the church (as it was his bride). To desire God’s best in their life, even more than your own (think community vs. individualism). All of this ”you make me feel good,” it’s selfish bull ****.

Secondly, telling someone their faults, then asking them to love you, isn’t really loving. Love expects nothing, but gives it all. To me, this epitomizes why Christ died, he did not expect for anyone to get it right, so he made it right, through loving. So, maybe, if you’re in a tough situation, just keep on loving. Sometimes that does not mean staying in a horrible or dangerous situation, but it might mean still loving, still aiding, even from afar. Sometimes it does mean enduring the worst of times, even without that “connection.” Attraction only goes so far, and if we are made to love in the way of Christ, shouldn’t we atleast try? 

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Categories: Personal, Relationships, Spiritual Reflections
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Am I old?

Posted August 18, 2008 By Andrea and has 1 comment.

So, ok. I know I am not old. But today I realized I am no longer of the “college age.” I took my sister down to GA State University for her first day of college. Everything looked the same, but the style was slightly different, the ped was a little busier, and people were definitely much younger than me! It’s ok though, the thing I realized was that although I might not have that attractive number to make me feel better about myself, I still feel pretty good! God has brought me through SO MUCH since college. I won’t write about ALL of it immediately, because that would take a long time, but I will give a brief rundown.

In college I was a girl who did not believe in the magnitude of which God loved her. Instead of seeing all the blessings around me, I chose to see the lies. I sought out parties, drinking, bars, and especially men to make me feel better. Because I was a “Christian” there were certain limits I would give myself. Selfishly I thought this would give me some sort of protection and also show others my “faith.” Simply put, I was wrong. The kind of protection I gave myself was only from fully knowing the plans my Father has for me. I never even stopped to think. Anytime I was involved in church or ministry it was almost completely about what I could do of my own accord, not what the Lord had planned or prepared for me as His child. I wish I could go back, take a little responsibility, smile more and realize all the gifts I had been given. But I could not. I had my heart broken, not by a man, not by drugs or alchohol, but by something caused by my own irresponsibility and irreverant lifestyle. If this is you, or even remotely you, just fall on your knees and ask God for help before you are forced there. You never know what a difference you could make. I do not look back like this often, I do not wish I could go back and change everything. But I wish I could do a little more for others and see a little further out of the tunnel that was in front of me. God is amazing, He really can do anything. Because just like he promises He will, He brought me out of my own despair and into His glory.

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Categories: Spiritual Reflections
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I have a problem

Posted August 15, 2008 By Andrea and has 11 comments.

It’s called…. being judgmental. I am sure that is only one problem on a long list of others that any number of people could write. But, I come into situations and I immediately scope it (or him or her) out and judge. Sometimes it is a positive judgment….but that is not usually what that word connotates is it?

So, last night Andy and I went to Buckhead Church for their worship service. Andy was pumped, he loves to worship in singing, and I was excited to be hearing some good worship music as well. But as soon as we got there my mind started going and I started jumping to all the ways that the mega church is anti-organic and spends way too much money on technical equipment. I actually came up with a plan in my mind to cut everyone’s salaries in the church by a 1-5% margin and use that money to instill all energy efficient lighting and have a food line set up for people who might come to church hugnry. Do we even do this at my own church???? No. Should we? Maybe. Ok ok! I know it is not very realistic, but it is idealistic, and sometimes that can work….

Anyway, I tend to lean on the side of thinking that this kind of worship was not what God intended, but my lovely fiance reminded me that there were many people who were walking in that room to worship God that might not come in a situation that looked or felt otherwise. He is right (I seriously HOPE that he does not read too much into that statement).  :)   Furthermore, it is not my job to decide what is right or what is wrong. I have my personal convictions, and all I can do is follow those. The greatest of these being love others. Rich, poor, Buckhead Church, or monastic community. Now, I have seen on several blogs recently people defending the mega-church model and citing the reasons why people are wrong in their criticisms. I have read those with a bemused state, because those are the uneducated and jealous criticisms I hear, not the heartfelt concerns for the direction of churches in general (whether mega or not) that I think tends to target bigger churches simply because of the buy in of some to the consumerist culture of America. We cannot change Biblical standards for our churches, but sadly many of them are overlooked as dated. So, I do believe there are some legitimate concerncs, but they exist to some degree for all churches. They are just more visible where there is more happening. Do I think that as brothers and sisters we should share with others our convictions in a loving and healthy way? Of course. But, I also think that they probably have plenty of people telling them what to do and what not to do. Maybe I will send them a letter letting them know my “idea” though. Who knows? They might love it. And by the way, their worship music was awesome. And, I even got in some authentic prayer time (Don’t tell).   

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Categories: Church "issues", Spiritual Reflections
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The woes of a broken home

Posted August 10, 2008 By Andrea and has 1 comment.

I can be uneasy and untrusting…. many times for no apparent reason. I ask that if you read this to please pray for me in this as I feel that it inhibits me not only from trusting God but from having peace about where I am and what I am trying to do.

It screws with you though, your parents getting divorced and finding out that the love might never have been grounded. Is it that easy to lie to yourself and someone else?

I hope that Andy knows that I am being completely honest when I say I want to give him my heart and share my life (the rest of it) with him. I hope that we continue to grow together. But I feel that Satan is attacking my weaknesses here, and making me feel like I’m not doing enough or that poof it could all be gone one day. It’s not right, and it’s not fair. Especially about my parents. Individually I love them, but today, which would have been their 28th anniversary, I hate them as a couple and what that represents to me.  

And I think it is really tacky to post as a former anniversary on a social networking site. But that’s just me.

Okay, I know that sounds bitter, and I am really trying not to be. God, HELP!

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Categories: Random
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Revitalization from the Father

Posted July 10, 2008 By Andrea and has no comments yet.

Psalm 130

 1-2 HELP, GOD-the bottom has fallen out of my life! Master, hear my cry for help!
Listen hard! Open your ears!
Listen to my cries for mercy.

3-4 If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings,
who would stand a chance?
As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit,
and that’s why you’re worshiped.

5-6 I pray to God-my life a prayer-
and wait for what he’ll say and do.
My life’s on the line before God, my Lord,
waiting and watching till morning,
waiting and watching till morning.

7-8 O Israel, wait and watch for God-
with God’s arrival comes love,
with God’s arrival comes generous redemption.
No doubt about it-he’ll redeem Israel,
buy back Israel from captivity to sin.

One of my favorite prayers when I was living through rebellion was this one. This morning I read www.flowerdust.net, Anne Jackson’s blog, and I was reminded of my past and everything it has brought me to and made me, even though there are many things I have remained ashamed of. When I stop to think I cannot believe it. Where would I be if God was keeping track of all my wrong doings? If he did not redeem and restore, offering hope.

Right now is one of the happiest times in my life. All at once I feel renewed, restored, and ready to continue growing in my relationship with Christ. Then it is also one of the saddest times in my life. As my parents are divorcing I feel sadness, confusion, and disbelief washing over me when I least expect it. So I do pray, and I thank God for his love and forgiveness. Both for my past, and for my parents. It is tempting to want to believe my childhood was all a lie, a pastor and a pastor’s wife pretending to be perfect. But then I am reminded, that just like me, they cry out to God, they pray, and they need his renewal and forgiveness too. For “who would stand a chance.” Certainly not me.

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Categories: Random, Relationships, Spiritual Reflections
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Why can't we be fri-ends?

Posted July 5, 2008 By Andrea and has no comments yet.


 

There are many issues on all sides of the race fence. In this country the divides have been spread since the beginning of American history. I do not even know where to begin on how to reconcile the loss that is felt through all the cultures in this country because of the psychological and emotional issues that have come as a result of this history. There has to be a better way.

The stark reality of race and socio-economics can be seen in statistics. In 2006 the U.S. Census Bureau shows that the poverty rate for whites was 8.2 %. For blacks it was 24.2 %. Is it time to start realizing that affirmative action has caused not a fair circumstance, but perhaps a wider divide? I have no concrete evidence of this, but I do know that in past years many of the judicial cases concerning AA were brought up by whites, disgruntled by the unfair treatment, asking when is enough enough? Huh? Does this register on the fairness scale?

Is it realistic that we will all come to sing Kum bay a around the campfire one day? I guess that I don’t know, nor do I have any easy answers. But what I do have is the desire to find a better way. A better way other than the segregation that has occurred in this country before and since the Civil Rights movement. Granted, there had to be a start somewhere. But as I look around my city, and read the words written by great leaders like Martin Luther King, Jr., Bobby Kennedy, and today Jim Wallis, I wonder how much of the vision has been proclaimed. A vision of freedom for all men, not just white men. And as Wallis points out, “white guilt is not enough.” Is that what I have? Is what I am feeling a sensation of remorse that will really help no one? Except perhaps my own conscience? I am struggling to pull away from that and actually seek a mind of clarity and sense about the subject. After teaching mostly “minority” students (although they are not so much in the minority anymore) I see that opportunities are not equal, all is not fair in peace and education, and that furthermore very little is being done to really rectify the situation.

Big laws like No Child Left Behind seek to address the issue in a purely impersonal way. But as I open my ears and my heart I feel that it is a deeply personal issue. One that should not only be felt by white or black people, but by all people who have come to the United States for a “better life.” Even those cultures who were forced into the United States without choice, or those fleeing from their own oppressive societies. If we claim to be the best nation on earth, we have a funny way of showing it. But as all arguments in my head go, it all comes back to me.

What do I do? I live in a city that has one of the worst treatment of homeless people in the nation, a hugely segregated inner city area, and a record of imprisoning and arresting a much higher number of African Americans than any other race. Problem? Red flag? Do I sit on my ass and feel sorry for the situation? Well, yes I think I’ll do that.

No. Guilt is not enough, talking about it is not enough. Starting with children and the young people around us, that is a good start. Standing up to the issues we see thriving around us is another way to begin acting. Every change must start small. But, you better believe I have something to say about the residential racial discrimination I see going on in my neighborhood. Are we so afraid of diversity? So, if I can do nothing else, I will say something, I will keep my heart open, and I will try to let love, not guilt, be my driving force.

And if your brother becomes poor, and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall maintain him; as a stranger and a sojourner he shall live with you.

Leviticus 25:35; cf. v. 39

What is a sojourner? AskOxford.com describes a sojourn as a temporary stay. When is the last time someone, anyone has stayed temporarily with you? Do you open your home or is it yours? There is probably always someone nearby who needs it. “You shall maintain him.” How beautiful. Is it a responsibility? Or a gift? Maybe it is a bit of both.

I sincerely hope that we remember that all our are bothers and sisters, whether you believe in a God or not. We are all a part of the human race, and races don’t begin and end on the nation’s border.

 

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Categories: Politics?, Social Justice
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