Trying to tie my head around my thoughts, or something like that

I feel like I have writers’ block. I have been reading Jim Wallis’s Soul of Politics, also some reading of Al Jazeera and the Bible (not too odd of a pairing), has left the air in my head hollow and the prayer of a new day a faint hope at the end of a long road. Here are some of the angles I am looking at life:

  • Parents’ divorce and family’s lack of cohesion apparent in not only my parents’ life (again this is my angle) but glaringly apparent in the lives of my younger sisters, who need more prayers than my prayer life can muster
  • Weddings, nuptials, that whole white day thing means money and planning, not my strong suit, but hey, we are rich in love and I do know that all will turn out well there. It’s just…. where do I start?
  •  Bush talking about “progress in Iraq.” hehehehehe. Ok, that one was a joke. Right?!?!?! Wait a minute I peed my pants.
  • And the one I feel worst about, the whole “worry about nothing pray about everything” (I am not even going to google this to tell you where it is from in the Bible bc I just know it is NT Paul writing…I think)
  • Oh, and hey, I love theology but I hate it, because one thing I REALLY have to work on is the icky feeling I get when I look around online and find “super spiritual blog” BS that even I cannot begin to understand. And I’ve been a Christian my whole life.

AHHH!!!! Ok, rant done. But do you ever really wonder, why?

Oh, and furthermore, why NCLB ? (No Child Left Behind) It’s not helping people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Bridezilla already?!


 

I have been engaged for only over a week, but already ideas are swirling and I am trying to get the little things taken care of so that I won’t be so insane closer to the big day. We have, perhaps insanely, set the date for November 1st. We are both ready to be married. Neither one wanting to make the day a huge elaborate event. But here is the problem. When it comes to things that I do not have a passionate stance on, I tend to go the people pleasing route. People expect this and that, so I need to do this and that. Right? If I have a conviction about something, it doesn’t seem to be a deal. I do what needs to be done. But when I don’t, I seem to cast myself among the reeds, flittering and swaying in the breeze, sensitive to the merest touch. The big question of the day is, not what if I’m Bridezilla, because I HOPE my fiancé was joking when he called me that, but is all the hoopla surrounding weddings morally repugnant or not?

I want to keep my budget small, but the mere 250 people we may be feeding is enough to skyrocket me into the outer sections of the universe. I am fully prepared to go the Sam’s Club route, but then I have to ask, do I really want to contribute to a global company that might be morally raping the women and children of Asia while I sit all comfy on my couch? But unfortunately, just like my daddy so frequently told me, money doesn’t grow on trees. In fact, I am acutely aware of money. Possibly because every time I asked for something big as a child, i.e. a trip to Disney World or the newest of gadgets, my father also like to sing the song “Money, Money, Money, Mon-Ey.” So, that puts a “green” wedding out. We are going the recycled route for invitations, candlelight for the service, and that is about as far as our “green” budget takes us.

I care so much for all of the crazy and insane problems in this world, is a wedding just selfish? Thank God I settled against anything with tulle, because otherwise this might be the worst mind screw I have ever experienced. More thoughts to come…. Please feel free to share yours!

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