Getting to know God

Posted June 26, 2009 By Andrea and has 1 comment.

Sometimes it is hard to breathe deeply and take things one moment at a time. The mind leaps forward and suddenly anxiety over something that hasn’t yet happened can take over. But, I am trying to slow things down a bit. Take a moment where a moment is needed and feed my soul so that my interactions with others aren’t out of some warped sense of feeling that I am doing or being “good.”

As I am reading Wide Open Spaces by Jim Palmer and slowly wading through some scripture, I feel a real need to do just that- slowly wade through it. I have learned a lot over the years, and gotten excited about a lot. Some of it sticks, some of it doesn’t. Inevitably things that are rushed through will be soon forgotten or lost in the makings of everyday life. But if I am focusing on a relationship with my Father, if I am trying to settle into who I was created to be and how I was made to love him I can’t rush through it in an attempt to “fix my life” or be a better “Christian.” Because I don’t even know what that word is anymore.

So, this is some of what I’m reading, unsorted, mostly raw, this is what I am feeling impact me and who I am now, mom to be and all (although it’s hard to believe).

Romans 8:33 “It is God who justifies…”

Yes, I am here to love and reveal Christ through me, but the ultimate justice is His, because none of us are deserving (if so justice might mean paying a consequence for every catty thought I have ever had). Thank God for God!

Romans 12:16 “…never be wise in your own sight.”

Ugh, this one is tough for me. I want to be right and have all the answers and when I figure something out I want to be the one to share it. From this chapter I glean not that God wants us to feel unintelligent, but he wants us to show humility, never thinking that we have all the answers, that everyone else is wrong, and never unwilling to learn something about Him. (Ugh because I know I have done this!)

Colossians 1:27 “And this is the secret: Christ lives in you.”

Not only did God send his son, but he sent him to live inside of us. So if we truly believe and we have asked Jesus to enter our hearts then one of the ways we get to know him is by listening for His voice and feeling his presence and direction in our lives and following it! But we must interact with him, we must know Him through prayer and the Word of God, but don’t live in ignorance that he is in you.

From Wide Open Spaces-

…In reality I treated my belief system as if it were my Savior. It was my belief in the right suppositions about Christ that made me saved. When the basis for being a Christian is your specific set of beliefs about God, the most important thing is being right.

Are you interested in knowing God?…His main prinicple for life is to love.

…Jesus didn’t come to start a new religion- he came to reveal God. Why? Because he knew if humankind could physically experience who he is, we would want to know him, and knowing him would change us.
-Jim Palmer

Yes! This is all I can say in response to this. I will only say these words struck me. I am sure you can infer as to why.

God loves me, just as he loves you, and I hope that we can all slow it down just a little to get to know Him more.

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Learning to really be yourself…

Posted June 15, 2009 By Andrea and has no comments yet.

May take a lifetime. But it is so worth it! Don’t ya think?

I don’t know why, I have just been thinking how much more comfortable I am in my own skin now that I have allowed God to shape some part of me. I’m not perfect and I have a lot more God-shaping to let happen, but it is a good feeling to experience freedom from past chains. Things you didn’t even know were chains, but suddenly when they’re gone you realize they were. Because you feel free. Free of abuse, free of alcoholism, free of self-inflicted pain. It is nice. I thank God for that.

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All my babies

Posted May 19, 2009 By Andrea and has 1 comment.

I have a lot of them. And today (hopefully) I find out if this one inside me is a boy or girl. One of my students is particuarly excited about the name since I told him we were considering his. He really wants me to use his either way, simply adding -ela to the end if it’s a girl. I told him sorry, I don’t think that is going to work.

I can’t say I am ready to be a mom, but I can say I am prepared. I know what it is like to love people until your heart wants to burst. I know they say it is different with your own child, but I can’t help hoping God gifted me with some capacity that others don’t have. Because I want to see my baby girl or boy in the same way that I see these kids everyday, as invaluable, a gift from God, no one life being worth more than the other. I know that I will have a special protectiveness around “my own,” but don’t misunderstand me when I say this- I want to love he or she the same. In a way we are all part of one family, some of us are just more responsible for making that family bigger. We were all made to be God’s children, the fact that some of us haven’t realized it yet or may be running from it is no reason to deny that. So if you are reading this today- please say a prayer for all my babies- the one God has blessed me to carry and the ones I am blessed to interact with day to day in the here and now. They are equally His.

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Disbelief and Questions

Posted April 13, 2009 By Andrea and has 2 comments.

Lately I have been wondering about a lot.

My own ability for one, what is it that I am supposed to be really focusing on? I felt for so long that it was writing, but then you go through certain periods (early pregnancy, lol) where you feel like dead weight.

Then you start even wondering why it was you felt like you had a calling or a talent, and in this case I am referencing my recent questions about God. I cannot buy that He does not want us to question, nor delve deeper into the world of sometimes fiction that has become “His religion.” When did the intellect get thrown out of Christianity for the pure acceptance of what we are told? When were Bible stories translated to children’s stories with entire chunks left out? Was it intended to be this way?

So, I am giving myself a challenge. Instead of complaining about it, oh so easy isn’t it, I am going to read and study what I don’t know or don’t understand and carry the responsibility of knowing what I believe. What an enlightening concept! I no longer want to be thrown off by accusations against my faith or hear an argument and wonder what if… I know there aren’t always exact answers but it is more about guarding my heart, strengthening my faith and learning more than anything else.

Hopefully I can share some of my journey with you, intermittent with the woes of pregnancy and day to day life I am sure!

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Have a little compassion….

Posted April 3, 2009 By Andrea and has no comments yet.

In your life. When someone angers you, slow down.

It is so easy to get hyped up on your feelings, your way, your belief.

But listen to what Proverbs 14 says,

He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

I think that sometimes we don’t think of our quick tongues or attitudes being antithetical to compassion, but they are, because in that moment, you’re first, no one else’s feelings or past or issues matter. And sometimes just taking that step back and giving someone a chance, to be human, or make a mistake, or just disagree with you, is an act of compassion.

Now I need to turn around and take a long glance in the mirror (as always). :)

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The children of others

Posted March 3, 2009 By Andrea and has 3 comments.

Are still children. And they are still loved by God.

I felt a real nod from God last week to take myself out of the political conversation and into the conversation of what it truly means to follow Jesus. In the wake of political unrest and the work of immigration enforcement coming out in unprecendented amounts, I am finding it hard to understand how I can express my views without sounding political. Because my feelings really aren’t. I don’t want to say my conviction is bigger than America, but in a way it cares not about America, but more about individuals. It is very hard for me, being inundated as I am cross-culturally, to see the lines of birth that divide us.

So I have to look on people as merely human. Fallible, forgiveable, and loved by a God who is so good he has loved me through all my crap. And I wonder how, or if, things could be different if we could all start to think of the world’s children as our own children. I have not yet born my first child, but I know that I do love those around me, even if it isn’t in the same magical way. And when I was thinking about these young people, imprisoned sometimes for their parents’ decisions, I thought to myself “I cannot condemn the children of others to things I would never condemn my own children to.”

But then I thought deeper, and I remembered very sheepishly that every child is God’s child, and when faced with condemnation Jesus first gives a chance for redemption. Why is this so hard for us, and would it be, if we could see every child as our child, or every human as a human. Fallible. Just like us.

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You don't have to tell me…

Posted February 25, 2009 By Andrea and has no comments yet.

I already know that I am a preggo dork.

All I want is jammies, a bed, probably some carbs in the near future… AND

And, because it is Ash Wednesday and a day God has graciously given me to do those things, I will also be spending time in prayer thanking God for his goodness and lamenting all my shortcomings. And there are many. I mean, the above probably counts as two. I will also be giving up something small for Lent, although I might be able to do more I am trying to stay with the safest for pregnancy. Ash Wednesday… Jesus is preparing to die for me, to save my life. Let us be grateful, even if our day does include A.I.

Let us remember the sacrifice and anguish he went through. Jesus did not desire death, he desired his Father’s will: our lives. And my life has been cluttered. Taking one thing out will not do any tricks, and if I keep my focus on “giving up” it won’t do anything beneficial. But I could put that time, money, or effort somewhere else. I could say today instead of this, I will spend time with my Savior or as an encourager or a giver.

Intentionality does not mean loss of a relationship. Discipline does not mean we are being legalistic. Honor God. However you are led. Whether through the celebration of Lent or through something else. But in that, I urge you to ask God what honoring him really means, and if there are any permanent changes he would like to see you through in your life.

I might not write again for a while…. or I might slip into less serious posts. But please pray this with me: God, how can I best honor you in this season of my life?

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The Hatred of God?

Posted February 11, 2009 By Andrea and has 2 comments.

There are six things that the Lord hates,
seven that are an abomination to him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked plans,
feet that hurry to run to evil,
a lying witness who testifies falsely,
and one who sows discord in a family.
- Proverbs 6:16-19

Perhaps sometimes our hatred is justified. I read this verse in a Sojourner’s email the other day and the quote that came with it spoke volumes to me about our call to live like Christ. Joan Chittister said “Anger is not bad. Anger can be a very positive thing, the thing that moves us beyond the acceptance of evil.” Wha?! Then I thought about it… There are a lot of sins we have been desensitized to.. I am going to have to disagree with my husband on his protest of the concept “Love the sinner hate the sin.” The problem with that phrase is that people don’t want to think about it and they want to throw out condemnations about the sins that shun the person. It doesn’t have to be interpreted that way. But in reality many of us as Christians have continuously been exposed to these “abominations” as Solomon writes.

That new show TV show on Fox, Lie to Me, while not a stellar concept, purports that a human lies every ten minutes. And how many innocent lives are shed because of injustice in war? How many of us have ever sown discord in our family? Oh, my, no not me! How many of us burn with a hatred, or even displeased heart, with all of these things? Unfortunately I know that I don’t always feel this way. Perhaps some of them have even played into my “Christ following life.”

Learning to live like Jesus not only says that ”if we love him, we will obey him,” but it also gives a certain justification to some negative emotions that we should have towards sin. This is no senseless battle, this is a real war that has been waged on our morality and our “differentness” that will show that grace and love of God. We aren’t salt of the earth if we’re lying every ten minutes and singing his praises in the eleventh hour. Being salt of the earth doesn’t just mean we believe, it means we spice it up, we are able to make a noticeable difference. I watch a lot of cooking shows and one of the main complaints of judges or chefs is too bland, not enough salt. What are we doing to ourselves??

Okay, I am just working this out…. more later… share your thoughts if you would like. :)

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It's a New Day

Posted January 15, 2009 By Andrea and has no comments yet.

I don’t particuarly love Avalon, not that they are not talented, it is just not exactly my kind of music. All morning I have had this song in my head though

It’s a new day
Oh, it’s a new time
And there’s a new way
I’m gonna live my life
All the old has, passed away
And the new has come
Thank God, It’s a brand new day

I feel that somehow, although I did not even ask for it, God is replenishing me. 2008 was a year of extreme highs and lows (I got married, my parents got divorced, my grandfather died, I went on an actual vacation- my first in years!).

I was thinking about the new ways I see being thought in church, and the slow push towards the middle in political arenas. Okay, so we are not anywhere close to perfect, and we will probably continue a push and pull over some issues for years. I mean, can you ever believe that Christians thought it right to separate races from one another? Some of our debates are ludicrous, and should be lost. Others might only become more heated. But, needless to say, I am excited for the opportunity I see in several arenas to think and feel in accordance with our call in scriptures. And no, we don’t all agree. But I love what Blogging Faith said yesterday,

…conflict isn’t an end in itself, and we shouldn’t be reflexively distrustful of common ground.

You see, we have it. We just have to find it. I think compromising ones ideals is different than compromising morals. There is more than one perspective around. Everyday is a new day right?

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Categories: Church "issues", Politics?, Spiritual Reflections
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Mother Teresa Says…

Posted January 12, 2009 By Andrea and has 1 comment.

I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.

It is so easy to be focused on success, but I think that the version of success we should most be striving for as Christ followers is faithfulness.

That we are faithful with our lives, in our hearts, with our giving, with our spirit, faithful in living for Christ and doing our most (not our best, how is that even measurable?) but our MOST to live like him. A lot of food for thought in a very little line made by a very little lady.

Lord I pray that today, and this week, you hold me close to you. Keep me faithful in the small and big things. Remind me of your words and let my heart not be hard but in accordance with your Word. Help my lips to not be angry, but to be full of humility. For it is not in my name, but in yours that I am able to love and be saved from my own selfishness. Thank you Father.

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