Another school day

For me… In one week I will begin my Master’s program in Social Work. I am excited, scared, nervous, but most of all hope and pray I can continue to be the kind of mother and caregiver God has so blessedly let me.

Following in a path to care for people is one of the greatest peaces I have experienced thus far in my life.

We’re all called to a purpose and that purpose is giving a glory and name to a Savior who is so loving, so full of grace, that I could never be worthy. But still, we live and strive because we love Him. I hope that I am doing that, and today I hope you do the same.

More later…

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Mommyhood according to Sex and the City

There was one part of the Sex and the City sequel movie that I could really relate to. This won’t be a huge spoiler but there is a point where Charlotte goes in the pantry to cry. Just cry, because both of her girls need her attention, one is constantly crying and the other just ruined one of her favorite skirts. Motherhood was all she ever wanted and when faced with it day in and day out, she finds it completely overwhelming.

Let me say, I have been there this past week. Something, the universe maybe, has morphed us into this teething, constantly hungry, fussy, runny nose, I only want my mommy phase that is wearing me down.

The thing about Sex and the City? I felt how it related to me in my core, but these (2) women have nannies and full-time help for their housework. I have me. And while it doesn’t seem like a lot, no, I KNOW it really doesn’t, there are days when the dishes and dinner really just don’t want to get done because on top of all the entertaining I didn’t get to wake up when I wanted to and whatever I do, be it leisurely or not, everything stops when she wants to eat.

I love her more than life itself. I would give anything for her. My husband is wonderful. He gives me breaks, let’s me sleep when I need to, girls’ nights, whatever I need. But my mind is constantly taken with motherhood and I feel that even in these times there is a tenseness in my bones because I know that as soon as I’m home I’m needed or as soon as she cries it’s over.

No one tells you this. Maybe they do but I didn’t hear it. It’s culture shock. My life is full and her smile lights up my world. But right now I’m tired. And I feel like I have been holding it all together, and that as a SAHM (stay at home mom) certain things are expected. Being happy being with your child all day everyday is one of them. It’s not like that. It’s rewarding yes, and at this time I honestly wouldn’t want anyone else stepping in to assume childcare, but it is work and just like EVERYONE that gets to complain about their jobs being hard, sometimes moms feel the same way. This isn’t a new revelation really, I just never really knew it to be true in the way that I know now. I look forward to the pieces of me that will emerge as mommyhood evolves, but I also look forward to just piecing back together who I am and what makes me, me. Mommy or not.

Dedicated to all the moms everywhere….and to all the moms who do this without any help, you are my heroes.

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Beautiful Life

All of you who are parents out there know…life becomes all about baby. At least for the first few months. I’ve learned so far that you can’t prepare yourself for anything, immense love does come instantaneously and naturally, and it is imperative to keep trusting God.

You never know if you’re making the right decision, you just have to pray and follow your heart. Pretty much like everything else in this life.

It’s scary, because I see the world moving around you and it almost seems to be moving past me. There is nothing I can do or say to make it slow down and fit with the pace my body and brain seem to be permanently resigned to. However, I see some light at the end. I see my baby girl laughing and smiling more, and I know that eventually, not only will I be able to fully return to trying to live, learn, and give as Jesus called me to (not that I have “paused,” rather I have very little people interaction at the moment), but I will be able to bring another little person with me and show her how important it is to care- about people, the world around her, and most of all the God who blessed us with her precious life.

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