Am I old?
So, ok. I know I am not old. But today I realized I am no longer of the “college age.” I took my sister down to GA State University for her first day of college. Everything looked the same, but the style was slightly different, the ped was a little busier, and people were definitely much younger than me! It’s ok though, the thing I realized was that although I might not have that attractive number to make me feel better about myself, I still feel pretty good! God has brought me through SO MUCH since college. I won’t write about ALL of it immediately, because that would take a long time, but I will give a brief rundown.
In college I was a girl who did not believe in the magnitude of which God loved her. Instead of seeing all the blessings around me, I chose to see the lies. I sought out parties, drinking, bars, and especially men to make me feel better. Because I was a “Christian” there were certain limits I would give myself. Selfishly I thought this would give me some sort of protection and also show others my “faith.” Simply put, I was wrong. The kind of protection I gave myself was only from fully knowing the plans my Father has for me. I never even stopped to think. Anytime I was involved in church or ministry it was almost completely about what I could do of my own accord, not what the Lord had planned or prepared for me as His child. I wish I could go back, take a little responsibility, smile more and realize all the gifts I had been given. But I could not. I had my heart broken, not by a man, not by drugs or alchohol, but by something caused by my own irresponsibility and irreverant lifestyle. If this is you, or even remotely you, just fall on your knees and ask God for help before you are forced there. You never know what a difference you could make. I do not look back like this often, I do not wish I could go back and change everything. But I wish I could do a little more for others and see a little further out of the tunnel that was in front of me. God is amazing, He really can do anything. Because just like he promises He will, He brought me out of my own despair and into His glory.
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Furthermore, it is not my job to decide what is right or what is wrong. I have my personal convictions, and all I can do is follow those. The greatest of these being love others. Rich, poor, Buckhead Church, or monastic community. Now, I have seen on several blogs recently people defending the mega-church model and citing the reasons why people are wrong in their criticisms. I have read those with a bemused state, because those are the uneducated and jealous criticisms I hear, not the heartfelt concerns for the direction of churches in general (whether mega or not) that I think tends to target bigger churches simply because of the buy in of some to the consumerist culture of America. We cannot change Biblical standards for our churches, but sadly many of them are overlooked as dated. So, I do believe there are some legitimate concerncs, but they exist to some degree for all churches. They are just more visible where there is more happening. Do I think that as brothers and sisters we should share with others our convictions in a loving and healthy way? Of course. But, I also think that they probably have plenty of people telling them what to do and what not to do. Maybe I will send them a letter letting them know my “idea” though. Who knows? They might love it. And by the way, their worship music was awesome. And, I even got in some authentic prayer time (Don’t tell). 
