Trying to tie my head around my thoughts, or something like that

I feel like I have writers’ block. I have been reading Jim Wallis’s Soul of Politics, also some reading of Al Jazeera and the Bible (not too odd of a pairing), has left the air in my head hollow and the prayer of a new day a faint hope at the end of a long road. Here are some of the angles I am looking at life:

  • Parents’ divorce and family’s lack of cohesion apparent in not only my parents’ life (again this is my angle) but glaringly apparent in the lives of my younger sisters, who need more prayers than my prayer life can muster
  • Weddings, nuptials, that whole white day thing means money and planning, not my strong suit, but hey, we are rich in love and I do know that all will turn out well there. It’s just…. where do I start?
  •  Bush talking about “progress in Iraq.” hehehehehe. Ok, that one was a joke. Right?!?!?! Wait a minute I peed my pants.
  • And the one I feel worst about, the whole “worry about nothing pray about everything” (I am not even going to google this to tell you where it is from in the Bible bc I just know it is NT Paul writing…I think)
  • Oh, and hey, I love theology but I hate it, because one thing I REALLY have to work on is the icky feeling I get when I look around online and find “super spiritual blog” BS that even I cannot begin to understand. And I’ve been a Christian my whole life.

AHHH!!!! Ok, rant done. But do you ever really wonder, why?

Oh, and furthermore, why NCLB ? (No Child Left Behind) It’s not helping people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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French Fried Update 2

Just to keep myself accountable….and for anyone that’s interested. Also, when I was in Costa Rica I had 2 orders of french fries. But, in my defense, I had not eaten any the week before that. So, it evens out, right??? 

Ok, so while all is going well I still feel that I am MISSING something. Maybe some dance moves or something that would be fun (and active to try). Please let me know if you have any weight loss tips or fun workouts to try!!!

Total weight loss goal: 23 lbs.

Pounds lost so far: 8

Pounds to go: 15

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Promised Costa Rica Update: Also known as, "my time with the Ticos"

I know I said I would give a full update on Costa Rica, and I am, you just might have to stick with me through rambling and incohesive statements about a vast array of things that have been happening in and out of my mind this past week and weekend.

Let me start by reminding myself that God is good. All the goodness that is in me and you, comes from Him. My hope is in Him, and I hold to that hope because an image of God is in me. Make sense? Let me clarify. Not only did I visit a country known as being the “nicest” third world country and see the poverty and happiness in the eyes of children and simultaneously in my mind’s eye see all the injustices and poverty that happens in our first world country (why do we even have those labels?) but I also learned of the death of a very lovely woman with two children, ages 12 and 14, who passed because a fall she had taken on the 4th of July that created a bloodclot. That bloodclot hit her lungs on Thursday morning. She died not more than 2 hours later. So, I remind myself that although God created the world, he does not step in and wave a wand to keep the poverty to a minimum or death of an innocent and God loving 42 year old from happening.  I can still see God though, through the faces of joy in unwashed Nicaraguan refugees faces, and through the tears of the many people that loved so much that the grieving creates mental and emotional pain.

So, in a nutshell, I see God, and want to know Him and love Him even more. :)

Next, the trip and my “needs” thoughts:

The trip was successful. Unfortunately we did not have a big enough team to do the manual labor we were originally set to do. However, we visited the squatter neighborhood made up primarily of Nicaraguan refugees and went to several church services and a pastor’s meeting to plan future events. I honestly cannot say that I helped a single person, besides taking pictures for Vision2Hear, but I did get to think and pray and wonder about my purpose. A lot of time in this trip was spent watching and silently getting myself back into prayer. 

The luggage thing was an annoyance that should not have been. People make mistakes, companies make mistakes, and me getting worked up about it does not change a thing. In a way, I am glad it happened, because it reminded me again that God will take care of me. It showed me even more how many luxuries we take for granted, or even view as necessities, that are of no importance at all when it comes to people and the needs that are not being met every day. How much money do I waste? Ok, I don’t want to know. But, I know what I will be doing. That is the giving of what I have to an organization or person in need every month. Not out of charity, but out of seeking justice. Out of righting the wrongs that I myself have committed. The money I have squandered and the people I have turned away from. Also, as I left Family Refugee Services as a volunteer in May, I have been thinking about what my next volunteer opp should be. If you read this I ask you to pray with me as to where I can best be used. Although I volunteer some time at the church, I feel really drawn to an opportunity (like RFS) that would give me contact with marginilized, but (unlike RFS) that would allow me to express my faith if given an opportunity.

So, all in all I would have to say Costa Rica was a very positive experience. I might have more to write later, but for now, I am lost in thought and therefore have too many words to write, what do you call them? Oh yeah, sentences…. :)

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Sweet home?

Well, we arrived safely from Costa Rica last night with one week off of blogging, no luggage for 5 days of our trip, and a LOT of Costa Rican coffee (yum). I will give a full encounter and update tomorrow, but I just wanted to say hi!

Also, I think I need to sit and munch a bit longer and all that we saw and all that I thought about. As always, it made me realize how affluent life in the United States is for many of us. Without even realizing it we take things and want things and ask for things on a day by day basis. I thought about the word “need” in thinking about all of my daily amenities that I was forced to live without. I actually got angry at one point (I mean I was up in arms about Delta’s horrible mishap), one day after I had looked into the face of children who had probably not changed clothes in 2 or 3 days, and furthermore probably only had 2 or 3 outfits to change in to. I remembered the verse in Phillipians, and I have had to struggle with myself on what this means for me and my lifestyle. What am I to provide for others? Who should I be Jesus to? Do I trust God to provide my needs? Why do I want what I want and is it all a result from my buy in to a consumerist culture? Okay, so I have a lot of questions. I am going to do some more reading and praying but here are some of God’s reminders:

Genesis 22:14 “My son, God will provide.”

Matthew 6:32 “…your  heavenly Father already knows all of your needs.”

Phillipians 4:19 “And this same God who cares for me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”

 

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Flight of the non-penguins

In two days I am going to be flying over the skies of the Gulf of Mexico towards Costa Rica. A missional trip traveling to churches and serving in several capacities. I hate flying but I love Costa Rica. The smells, the people, the culture. I especially love going to buy fruits and vegetables when they set up the open air market on the weekend. Paying less than a dollar for your favorite fruits that taste deliciously sweeter than they do in the states is not a bad deal!

Cold showers don’t tend to bother you as much when the weather is great and you’re not surrounded by McDonald’s. So okay, okay, there are still McDonald’s in Costa Rica, but they are not everywhere!

I am looking forward to being there and learning whatever God has in store for me on this trip. I know that there is something, it seems to be a constant process lately. I think the biggest lesson I am learning is to be more aware of myself and how I treat others. Not the way I regard the “whole wide world” but how I react to the people who I view as being closed minded around me. The Bible says to “love each other with genuine affections” (Romans 12:10 NLT), and I really don’t think it means select others.

I also pray that while I am there I will be able to use and expand the gifts God gave me, not hide them out of fear of rejection or looking stupid. Because I do that too!

So, who knows how God is going to expand that, grow that, or kick it up 13 notches? I am excited to be there, and maybe share of some of the passion and conviction that God has given me. But above all, to be a servant. And not complain or resent it. Because I do that too, not out of the spirit of love, but out of the spirit of selfishness. It’s definitely time to stop thinking about myself all the time, and start thinking about everyone else! Costa Rica? Spiritual journey? OR both? We shall see.

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French Fried Update 1

I have been 8 days without eating a french fry! Woo hoo. Probably means I will indulge later this week, but hey, I did say once a week! So far so good. I am still hitting the gym and making sure I eat some brightly colored natural foods each day! Finally starting to lose some weight and I have lost about 2 inches off my body just this month!

Total weight loss goal: 23 lbs.

Pounds so far: 6

Pounds to go: 17

Thank you Jesus!!!! Lol.

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Do you have that church in electric blue, size 2 please?

We’re all familiar with it. Even if you are not a “Christian” you can look down the street and see that there are a lot of churches to choose from. What I am wondering is, was this Christ’s great call to the people he left behind to follow him? Did he want there to be a choice for every age group, personality, ethnicity, socio-economic group and community service personality?

In the United States I see roughly 3 kinds of churches. There are more than this of course, but I believe many of those could be listed into subgroups.

1. The old pair of jeans church: this church has community together and they do something called outreach. This is where your body remains fully inside the church building but your arms ocassionally “reach out” to give soup, hand out clothing or even money to a foreign land. The old pair of jeans is comfortable. They feel good because they reach out but relaxed because they know where they’re going. So, they usually sing the same songs all the time, the messages are usually bland recitations of scripture, and the same prayer is prayed. There are a couple of people who seem to really enjoy it, but for the most part you look around and wonder who is really worshipping. Is anyone here standing face to face with their maker, truly worshipping and calling out to Him.

2. The Calvin Clein jeans church: This church used to rock! I mean, you know, like Celine Dion style rocking. Calvin Clein jeans are really nice. They are not too expensive but definitely not cheap. Back in the day they were really trendy but now they are taking their place among the grandfather of trends.  Because CK is such a big company, they can do a lot. They offer goods, services, and Jesus!!! Can anyone give me an Amen. Oops, I forgot, inappropriate! Because CK is not that churchy, well….They say that but don’t forget your offering, at least wear khakis, and only come as you are if you have a shower. Don’t forget: big company = lots of Jesus opportunities. But would Jesus really like the pastor’s SUV? Are the 25% of people who serve outside the church spreading Christ? Possibly. But not probably.

3. The Trendy Jeans: Oh, this one is great because it can be cheap Forever 21 style or higher end like True Religion. Even the name sounds fabulous, right? This kind of jean has the most subgroups: skinny (not high tech), wide leg (too high tech), and antiqued (enough tech offerings for the family)! These churches do a lot. But if you’re sitting on the outside, looking at the cars, and the clothes, you might start to wonder if they do a lot for the kingdom or do more for themselves. Because they look great, don’t get me wrong, but the thing about trends is most of them don’t last and some of them come in really poor quality material.

Now, this is my opinion, and some facets over-generalized and mocked. Yet, if there are facets that can be mocked and over-generalized, is there a problem? Is this what Jesus was speaking of in Matthew 28 when he says “Go and make disciples of all people.” Should any comforts or trends matter? How much should we matter? Before or after others?

I honestly believe true followership of Jesus would bring people in harmony. It would wipe away the trends and wash out the forced praise. It would result in fall on your knees or lift your face to heaven worship. It would be concerned about charity but even more so about being involved in the fight for justice. It would know that individuals matter but as a body we are better. Are “types” of churches necessary to bring people to Christ, or would a church that just displayed Christ, no matter the technology or resolution, be best. Do we get distracted by our own cool gadgets and movie clips and lighting techniques so much that we would not know how to lead worship without it? Do the types separate us so that we cannot act as a body and fully be Christ to a world so seeped in pain it seems more and more people are noticing. God did not come into a world of stuff, he created a world of humanity. So what about taking it down to a raw level? Bad idea or good starting point?

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Revitalization from the Father

Psalm 130

 1-2 HELP, GOD-the bottom has fallen out of my life! Master, hear my cry for help!
Listen hard! Open your ears!
Listen to my cries for mercy.

3-4 If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings,
who would stand a chance?
As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit,
and that’s why you’re worshiped.

5-6 I pray to God-my life a prayer-
and wait for what he’ll say and do.
My life’s on the line before God, my Lord,
waiting and watching till morning,
waiting and watching till morning.

7-8 O Israel, wait and watch for God-
with God’s arrival comes love,
with God’s arrival comes generous redemption.
No doubt about it-he’ll redeem Israel,
buy back Israel from captivity to sin.

One of my favorite prayers when I was living through rebellion was this one. This morning I read www.flowerdust.net, Anne Jackson’s blog, and I was reminded of my past and everything it has brought me to and made me, even though there are many things I have remained ashamed of. When I stop to think I cannot believe it. Where would I be if God was keeping track of all my wrong doings? If he did not redeem and restore, offering hope.

Right now is one of the happiest times in my life. All at once I feel renewed, restored, and ready to continue growing in my relationship with Christ. Then it is also one of the saddest times in my life. As my parents are divorcing I feel sadness, confusion, and disbelief washing over me when I least expect it. So I do pray, and I thank God for his love and forgiveness. Both for my past, and for my parents. It is tempting to want to believe my childhood was all a lie, a pastor and a pastor’s wife pretending to be perfect. But then I am reminded, that just like me, they cry out to God, they pray, and they need his renewal and forgiveness too. For “who would stand a chance.” Certainly not me.

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Bridezilla already?!


 

I have been engaged for only over a week, but already ideas are swirling and I am trying to get the little things taken care of so that I won’t be so insane closer to the big day. We have, perhaps insanely, set the date for November 1st. We are both ready to be married. Neither one wanting to make the day a huge elaborate event. But here is the problem. When it comes to things that I do not have a passionate stance on, I tend to go the people pleasing route. People expect this and that, so I need to do this and that. Right? If I have a conviction about something, it doesn’t seem to be a deal. I do what needs to be done. But when I don’t, I seem to cast myself among the reeds, flittering and swaying in the breeze, sensitive to the merest touch. The big question of the day is, not what if I’m Bridezilla, because I HOPE my fiancé was joking when he called me that, but is all the hoopla surrounding weddings morally repugnant or not?

I want to keep my budget small, but the mere 250 people we may be feeding is enough to skyrocket me into the outer sections of the universe. I am fully prepared to go the Sam’s Club route, but then I have to ask, do I really want to contribute to a global company that might be morally raping the women and children of Asia while I sit all comfy on my couch? But unfortunately, just like my daddy so frequently told me, money doesn’t grow on trees. In fact, I am acutely aware of money. Possibly because every time I asked for something big as a child, i.e. a trip to Disney World or the newest of gadgets, my father also like to sing the song “Money, Money, Money, Mon-Ey.” So, that puts a “green” wedding out. We are going the recycled route for invitations, candlelight for the service, and that is about as far as our “green” budget takes us.

I care so much for all of the crazy and insane problems in this world, is a wedding just selfish? Thank God I settled against anything with tulle, because otherwise this might be the worst mind screw I have ever experienced. More thoughts to come…. Please feel free to share yours!

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French Fried Goodness

 

I am discovering that part of being peaceful is my body image. I am definitely working towards this goal. I have lost about 4 lbs. so far but I know I have gained some muscle and am feeling more energetic. This has been going on right at a month. But I have a problem…it’s called french fries. I know they are bad for you, I know they are full of fat, juicy greasiness that leads to cellulite on my buthighs (the area where some women’s butt and thighs merge together) and possible heart attacks caused by congestive-I-ate-too- much-grease in my lifetime failure. But, I can’t stop. Everywhere you go sells them for the cheap price of $1. Or it comes with your uber healthy no butter on the wheat bun no mayo please grilled chicken sandwich. What are you supposed to do when they know you by name and call out to you from the shiny happy menu??

I do not know. So I continue to work it out, I am doing a solid 30 minutes of cardio a few times a week with some strength training on the side. But, I am afraid that my addiction to these salty potato gems will keep me from reaching my goal. So, I know that I cannot do without. My goal: to eat French fries only once a week. The week begins on Sunday and ends on Saturday. So, there will be only one day in this period that I can savor in the salty goodness. Please, feel free to ask me about my progress. Remind me, in a shrill sergeant voice, if you see me put a fry in my mouth. Slap my hand if you see me reaching for one on your plate. Hopefully, by November I will have waned the demon inside and lost my goal of 20 lbs. I will let you know how this tactic works. Please pray that I stay motivated and strong. I am sure you are waiting on the edge of your seat!

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